The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miquel Ruiz is a must read. As humans we create so much of our “own suffering.” The agreements set forth in this book outline a code of conduct that can transform our lives leading to more freedom, joy and happiness. Based on what I am hearing lately from nurses I am confident that we could all use more of that in our lives right now.
Let’s explore the four agreements through a nursing lens:
- Don’t Take It Personally: Most often we take on what other people say or do as our own responsibility or our own fault. A patient or a family member gets mad and yells at us. Immediately we take on the ownership of the experience we are in. Truth is that the situation is really about them and how they are showing up right now. We even take on the negative self-talk in our own brains as personal truth. Our brains are wired to be judgmental and hypercritical. To this end, we shouldn’t take ourselves personally either!
Check in anytime you feel defensive. It is likely that you are taking something personally. Step back from the situation and ask does this belong to me right now? Work toward being immune to the options, opinions and actions of others. Take full responsibility for how you show up in any given moment. Stop suffering at the expense of others by taking everything that happens so personally. Own what you need to own and let the rest go.
Tips:
- Carry a QTIP to remind yourself to quit taking it personally
- Check point the other persons intent within the conversation or situation
- Let it go
- Take 100% accountability for yourself and how you are showing up
- Set personal and professional boundaries as needed because you teach people how they can treat you
- Choose to reframe your perspective often
- Rewire your brain to be more kind and compassionate toward yourself and others
- Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Walk your talk. Having a voice matters, really matters. Matters more than ever right now in healthcare. Our voice is powerful! How you talk to yourself and to others matters. It can build up and create or it can tear down and destroy. Our voice is the power of expression. Expression leads us to what we are manifesting for our tomorrows. Words become the seeds we plant in the fertile ground of our minds. The old adage you reap what you sow comes to mind. What are you sowing with your voice? Love and kindness or hate and pain? Are you inspiring others or are you constantly complaining?
Gossip is a socially acceptable form of communication on many teams I have worked on or with over the years. Gossip is pure poison. It erodes culture, ruins reputations/credibility, undermines trust and teamwork. People choose to leave organizations because of gossiping behavior. Make a commitment to stop gossiping today.
Right now more than ever we need to speak up and support each other. We must have each other’s backs by being impeccable with our word.
Tips:
- Say only what you mean, without being mean
- Stop the gossip
- Speak only from a place of love, support and helpfulness
- Before speaking run it through the acronym THINK is it true, helpful, inspiring, necessary and kind. If not reframe it to those principles or don’t speak it at all.
- Don’t Make Assumptions: Guess what? The truth is our brains are wired to make assumptions all day every day. Did you know that? Let me explain. Within milliseconds of taking in sensory information or brain looks for a liked pattern of a previous experience and boom we jump to conclusions in that particular neuropathway. In essence, our brains are meaning making machines. The brain immediately assigns inference based on the neuropathway selected. From here we think, then feel and then act….which results in our behavior and telling of stories.
We talk in stories, learn in stories and embellish stories to push our point of view. Drama that we feel and experience comes most often from our stories. Much time and energy is spent inside our heads making assumptions. This brain phenomena is called the ladder of inference. Our lives can be immediately transformed when we remember to come down the ladder to ask what do I know for sure? What are the facts in the conversation or experience? We will have so much more inner peace when we remember to interrupt our brain patterns and stay focused on the facts, just the facts instead of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
Making assumptions can lead us to big trouble. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking and then we take it personally and react through our word…. the drama continues.
Tips:
- Ask multiple questions to clarity meaning and intent
- Ask what do I know for sure? Deal with life from fact land
- State your truth and ask for what you need
- Look for concrete proof of the truth
- Always Do Your Best: The truth is that from moment to moment our “best” changes due to many circumstances. Are we sick or healthy? Are we exhausted or energetic? Is our mindset positive or negative? Are we happy or sad? Regardless of the circumstances simply choose to do your best. When you do so you will be avoiding self-judgment, self-berating, guilt and regret. Ask often what is the next best step here? Keep in mind that doing your best is about taking action because you want to not because you have to. Always do your best also means doing well because you love to not because you expect a reward. Do no more or no less than your best always.
Tips:
- Ask often what is the next best step here
- Choose multiple times a day to do your best
- Take accountability for yourself and your actions, all day every day
- Adjust circumstances that you are in control of, i.e. how you show up in any given situation
- As you do your best you learn to accept yourself and the mistakes you have made
These 4 agreements can transform your life if you choose to integrate them into your being. I challenge you to hang these agreements on a post em note or write them on your mirror as a daily reminder and reflection activity. Implementing all 4 might be overwhelming. So pick just one and work on integrating that into your life. Then build up your foundation by picking another one, than another and another. Which one will you start with? Freedom, joy and happiness awaits!
Contact me:
chartline@rwhc.com
608-644-3235
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Cella Janisch-Hartline, RN, BSN, PCC Professional Certified Coach, Nursing Leadership Senior Manager for Rural Wisconsin Health Cooperative has been involved in various healthcare industry leadership positions for the past 40 years. The majority of her career has been spent working in an acute care critical access facility for nearly 25 years. Throughout her work experience, she has learned most of her leadership skills and techniques through the school of “hard knocks”. Cella’s passion for teaching leadership tips and techniques earned her the 2018 Outstanding Educator Award through the National Rural Health Association. She is well-known for her humorous, engaging and personable facilitation style. |