Burnout.  Compassion fatigue.  Stress and anxiety.  Feeling overwhelmed.  Regardless of words used to describe the feeling, the expression holds similar meaning: the light once held for the excitement and passion of the work is being snuffed out.  Whether short-term or lasting in duration, it can be a dark and lonely place to exist.

 

If you’ve ever been in total darkness—like I literally was when our power unexpectedly went out one evening last week—you know how amazing the light of one candle can be.  I’d like to suggest that when you feel as though you’re facing dark moments and the horizon feels distant…choose to be the light. 

 

Here’s WHAT I MEAN:

Being the light is showing kindness and compassion towards others (even if you feel the least able to offer it).  It’s showing up curious, seeking to understand their needs.  You may not have solutions to offer, but just holding their hand may make all the difference.  Being the light is unveiling for others the little treasures of hope and joy in the everyday experiences and sharing those moments together.

 

Here’s WHY:

Studies have shown time and time again that helping others, in turn, improves the mental health of those offering aid.  Extending a hand of support to others reduces stress, improves self-esteem, releases endorphins (those lovely little feelings of elation and pain reduction), provides greater sense of purpose, breeds connection with others, and distracts us from worries.  Those sound like fantastic cures for burnout and the makings of resiliency.

 

In addition, research published by Schnall, Harber, Stefanucci, and Proffitt found when participants in the study were presented with a hill before them, those accompanied by a friend estimated the hill to be up to 20% less steep than those participants who faced the hill alone.  Social support and not facing challenges alone proved to promote greater strength for endurance and hardship.  In other words, not going the distance alone allows individuals to be a source of light and support for one another, helping the trek to be less difficult and insurmountable.

 

Here’s HOW:

The good news is if you’re in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and your oil tank is otherwise dry, being the light requires little energy (yet yields great dividends).  Try one of these actions that does as much for you as it does for others:

• Smile.  Even if you fake it until you make it, smiling on the outside actually releases dopamine, another of those fantastic neurotransmitters that fosters a sense of happiness and well-being.  So, while you’re brightening the day of those around you with your smile, you can literally not help but feel better internally by doing so!  This is not the insistence that we smile for others (that can feel invalidating of our true emotions).  Putting on a smile is for you...a choice made to arrange your face into a posture that helps you get to a better place. 
• Be kind.  Do something nice—an act of service like paying for someone’s coffee—with no expectation of return.  You’ll be the one most rewarded.
• Seek goodness.  Challenge yourself to find one thing to be grateful for…and tell someone else about it so they too can be thankful.
• Forgive.  At our low points, finding forgiveness may seem like a stretch.  Mustering the courage to do so frees you from the burden and lends opportunity for repaired relationship with someone else.
• Listen.  Release yourself from the shrouds of your own darkness to hold space for others.  You don’t have to give advice.  You don’t have to agree.  Just listen.  For a few moments, be outside your darkness, shedding light in the shadows for others.
• Find humor.  The days surrounding my father’s unexpected and swift illness and death were indeed a dark time.  Oddly enough, it was in the midst of those painful moments I now hold some of my favorite memories with my family near to heart—moments of utter and complete hilarity.  Our ability to find humor in tiny circumstances (like getting lost repeatedly on our way to the Hospice house) and our exhausted laughter brought us through those tough times.  Pause and see the humor.  Be it a silly “dad joke” or a funny meme, share it freely.

______________

 

A friend of mine lost her husband some years ago.  She tattooed this expression on her arm in his honor: If you can’t get a miracle, be one.  It comes to mind now.  In life’s low points when you feel most alone, reach out to support others.  It’s reciprocal.  What you extend to others comes back at you two-fold.  When you’re surrounded by darkness and you can’t find the light, choose instead to be the light.

 

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Corrie Searles, MPT, Leadership Development Educator In Corrie’s role as Leadership Development Educator at the Rural Wisconsin Health Cooperative (RWHC), her aim is to empower leaders--formal and informal--to create positive influence that enables others to serve well.