In workshops offered through RWHC, my colleagues and I often reference the Circle of Influence by Stephen Covey.  We preach on the importance of narrowing our efforts to impact those parts of our lives that we can control and influence, letting go of aspects that are beyond our control. 

 

For example, I can push on a mountain that’s in my way with all my might but it still won’t move.  So why waste my energy trying to move the mountain?  I can, however, determine a path over or around it and invest my energy in purposeful, fruitful outcomes that move me forward.

 

All too often we similarly waste our energy fighting unwinnable battles or fretting over unknowns.  We habitually focus on what we can’t control rather than using our energy to take action.  We worry, complain, and blame, which serves no good.  We put more effort into fixating on the problem itself than using our influence to overcome it.  In so doing, we relinquish our power over to the problem rather than the solution.  We succumb to playing the part of victims rather than owners of resolution.  In the end, it’s a waste of time and emotional stamina.

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Here are four strategies to overcome the tendency to try to control the uncontrollable:

 

Wait to Worry

In a study conducted at Penn State University, it was discovered only 8.6% of things we worry about actually come true.  That means there’s a whopping 91% of waste going into false alarms, needless anxiety, stress, and lost sleep.  We would be well-served to wait until we know there’s definite cause for concern and, even then, react only to what we can control.

 

Narrow the Focus

The next time you begin the spinning action of worry and complaining, write down all the concerns.  Go back and circle only those which have a greater than 75% likelihood of actually occurring.  Of those, decide which you have any control or influence over; cross out the rest.  Return to the remaining one or two and put your effort into determining what proactive measures can be taken now to minimize or prevent the concern from imposing negative impact.

 

Budget Your Energy

Like money in our personal bank accounts, we each have only finite amounts of time and energy allotted to use.  If you’re going to spend those precious resources, choose to allocate them wisely.  Focus on investing your time and energy on things within your control and influence.  You get zero return when investing your time and energy on things outside your control.  As Tim Kight wrote, “Don’t let what you can’t do distract you from what you can do.”

 

Ask the Right Questions

While we can’t always control the situation itself, we do have control over our response.  Choose to be solution-focused.  Asking action-based questions such as these will move you towards action, accountability, and control rather than blame and helplessness:

• What do I know for sure? 
• What is the best possible action I can take at this moment? 
• What action can I take now to move me in the direction of a positive outcome?
• How can I improve this situation?

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There will always be circumstances beyond our control.  Avoid the trap of wasting energy pushing against mountains that won’t move.  Choose to invest energy only into those efforts for which you have control and influence.

 

QUESTION:  How can you use these same tactics to guide the worries and concerns of employees you lead?

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“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening.  That’s where your power is.”  - Unknown

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Explore these workshops and programs offered by our RWHC Education Team to improve skills of staying In Control:

• MindSET
• MindSET Reboot
• Using Questions to Foster Critical Thinking and Challenge Victim Thinking
• Understanding & Developing Emotional Intelligence

 

To learn more, visit: https://www.rwhc.com/Services/Educational-Services/Leadership-Series or email me at csearles@rwhc.com.

 

Consider joining our Leadership Bites program: https://www.rwhc.com/Services/Educational-Services/Leadership-Bites

 

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Corrie Searles, MPT, Leadership Development Educator   In Corrie’s role as Leadership Development Educator at the Rural Wisconsin Health Cooperative (RWHC), her aim is to empower leaders—formal and informal—to create positive influence that enables others to serve well.